Funny Chinese names foreigners actually got

Classroom Sarah is 莎拉. Lunch is 沙拉. Same mouth, different grocery aisle. On GoEast Mandarin's student list, Sarah did not keep the menu item: a friend offered three Sarah-shaped options sharing a first character, and she chose 思苒 (Sīrǎn). That is the interesting part. The default is a Kill. The save is a real given-name shape, not another Xinhua row.

Source: How to Choose a Chinese Name as a Foreigner: 4 Methods + 17 Real Examples — GoEast Mandarin

Sam Hug told China Daily he would not take 山姆 because it “just sounds like Shanmu, the killer whale at Sea World in Florida that keeps on eating people.” The tutor then offered 森 — forest, one syllable, vaguely like Sam. Native listeners asked why he would be called Forest. “That's not a normal name.” He dropped both and stayed Sam. Two solutions from the system. Zero personal names.

Source: The secret of a name with special character — China Daily (Wang Mingjie, 4 Oct 2016)

Separate person, same grocery aisle. In a 2005 Dalian letter, Sera Arcaro writes that coworkers offered Se La — her friends laughed and said it was salad. She also floated Si Re, “something like dead hot,” because she could pronounce it. Charlie then wrote 思若: 思 “thinking,” 若 “looks like.” One tone slip on 思 plus a vowel wobble on 若 and she would introduce herself as dead meat. The pipeline offered a menu item, a temperature, a literary pair, and a corpse. None of that is a surname plus a given name.

Source: What's in a Name? — Serasphere / Dalian Letters (Sera Arcaro, Oct 2005)

China Daily (2010) prints Mai Ke: “the character for grain followed by the one for subdue” — the workbook Mike, 麦克. Mike said he did not want to be called barley, then scrolled an electronic dictionary for other Mai Ke graphs with “a bit more grit.” He landed on the English gloss Dirty Law, having considered Dirty Axe Handle, Dirty Tadpole, and Dirty To Woof. The article never prints those later graphs. We will not invent them. The roast is the method: a table for barley, then a homophone hunt until the English side looks tough.

Source: Foreigners now start to drop names — China Daily (Erik Nilsson, 9 Jun 2010)

Jules Quartly in China Daily, 2013: an American-Spanish colleague thought Luo Botuo — 罗伯托 — “adequately reflected his name in Chinese, but unfortunately this is also means turnip.” Same mouth as 萝卜. Captioning a passport. Harvesting a root.

Source: Be my guest and call yourself something stupid — China Daily (Jules Quartly, 4 Jun 2013)

ChinaCurator, unnamed on purpose: “I once met a man in a Shanghai boardroom who proudly introduced himself as Bāozi (包子 - Steamed Bun). The room was polite, but the suppressed laughter was palpable.” Food as a personal name is the Menu Item Trap. No face, no passport, no country. The bun is the case.

Source: Stop Naming Yourself 'Dragon': How to Choose an Authentic Chinese Name — ChinaCurator

In 2004 John Pasden wrote, in Chinese, that his university teacher gave him 约翰 because that is how you “translate” John. He found it ugly and unlike his English name, and he did not yet know how to pick another. Later: surname 潘 from Pasden, given name 吉. 潘吉 is a 姓 + 名. 约翰 is a news-wire spelling. He kept 潘吉 even after friends noted it can pun in Japanese and English — because it was finally a name.

Source: 我的中文名字 — Sinosplice (John Pasden, 1 Nov 2004)

GoEast quotes Hannah directly: “My English name is Hannah, so… 汉娜. Not much choice there, lol.” That is the whole method. A clean sound match, and a native already knows it came off a list.

Source: How to Choose a Chinese Name as a Foreigner: 4 Methods + 17 Real Examples — GoEast Mandarin

Colleagues heard Dutch Jaap as Yǎpǔ and glued on characters: 雅普. He kept it after a second foreigner independently offered the same string, and he reads it as “Elegant Universal.” Captioning is not naming. It is what happens when the room cannot say your vowels.

Source: How to Choose a Chinese Name as a Foreigner: 4 Methods + 17 Real Examples — GoEast Mandarin

East Asia Student describes a university Chinese class where teachers built similar-sounding names for everyone — and then got the list mixed up, so each student had a Chinese name that sounded like someone else's English name. The same essay is blunt about the default: teachers “translate” into 玛丽, 汤姆, 约翰. The author escaped that round only because he already had 修远 (after an earlier 大牛). The joke is the seating chart, not the students.

Source: How to get a Chinese name — East Asia Student (11 Aug 2013)

At Portland State, Liu laoshi named the blogger 胡伟. 胡 is a real surname. 伟 can mean great — or just “big.” He notes 胡 is also “Hu,” as in the then-president, which sets up the Abbott and Costello bit: Who is the president of China? Hu. The name can be a real 姓 + 名. The classroom still handed it out as a pun waiting to happen.

Source: Who are You? Names in China — Caffeinated PDX (Will Hutchens, 26 Aug 2010)

On Sissy Kay's 2010 camp blog, Chinese students — including a boy they called Jaime — asked their American teacher for her Chinese name. She had none. They flocked to the chalkboard, pointed, laughed, and wrote 康女: 康 for health/energy, 女 as “a common name given to a girl.” Kind impulse. Caption structure. “Girl” as the given name is how you get a label, not a person. We are not roasting Jaime. We are roasting the blackboard as a naming office.

Source: Oh, Jaime... — this path i walk / Sissy Kay (Dec 2010)

Same 2010 China Daily column: a Chinese instructor turned Leo into Su Li, glossed Awakening Powerful — 苏力. Leo then shopped homophones (Dried Fish, Pot of Cooked Rice, Tremble With Fear; Drip, Dregs of Wine, Severe) and kept the English reading Silky Smooth, “because I'm a big guy but I'd rather jive my way through life.” Teacher meaning-stack, then a chocolate-bar slogan. Still not a 姓 + 名 a classmate would wear without giggling.

Source: Foreigners now start to drop names — China Daily (Erik Nilsson, 9 Jun 2010)

A study-abroad teacher asked her Chinese students to invent a name she could actually say. They rejected meaning-only options, chased the English sound, and landed on 奥丽维娅 — four characters, no surname, 丽/娅 doing “pretty girl” work. She treasures that it was made with them. Structurally it is still a pronunciation paragraph. Native personal names in ordinary life are two or three characters with a family name in front. A class vote does not change the grammar.

Source: Cultural Immersion through Names — Deceptively Blonde (29 Aug 2016)

Caffeinated PDX: “Jake Rod, a runner, became Liu Xiang, named after a famous Chinese hurdler who won gold at the 2004 Athens Olympics.” 刘翔 is a real name — it is just already taken by a national athlete. Introducing yourself as that is a cameo, not a person.

Source: Who are You? Names in China — Caffeinated PDX (Will Hutchens, 26 Aug 2010)

Same post: teachers take the first couple of letters of first and last name and hunt for graphs. Jennie Griffin becomes Zhen Gui — 甄贵 — “really honorable.” Honor is fine. The method is still a syllable grinder.

Source: Who are You? Names in China — Caffeinated PDX (Will Hutchens, 26 Aug 2010)

English Wikipedia: the actor's Chinese stage name is 曹操, named after the late-Han chancellor everyone already knows from Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Beijing Television even ran a reality show titled after the proverb 说曹操曹操就到 — speak of Cao Cao and Cao Cao arrives; speak of the devil. A real historical name. Already taken. Introducing yourself as that is a cameo, same family as classroom 刘翔.

Source: Jonathan Kos-Read — English Wikipedia

Quartly writes that a friend in Taiwan gave him Zhu Yuanxun after Ming founder Zhu Yuanzhang. China Daily colleagues then told him that was “equivalent to calling myself Adolph Hitler, since he was famed for his massacres, too.” The roast is the borrow-an-emperor shortcut, not the journalist. He retreated to Zhu Ersi — 朱尔思 — the sound of Jules, which a colleague called “a bit of a sissy name for a boy.” Famous-person collision, then Xinhua fallback. Two pipeline products. Zero ordinary personal names.

Source: Be my guest and call yourself something stupid — China Daily (Jules Quartly, 4 Jun 2013)

GoEast: 熊 is Markus's “soul-animal” and a real surname; 二弟 echoes the German nickname Erdi. “A joke that became his official name.” Funny on purpose. Still a caption with a surname taped on.

Source: How to Choose a Chinese Name as a Foreigner: 4 Methods + 17 Real Examples — GoEast Mandarin

Vasil comes from Greek for king, so 王; 国 nods to the surname Kolchev; 修 for cultivate. 国王修 reads like a title on a cultivation novel, not a roll-call name. Self-assigned etymology is still not 姓 + 名 in the ordinary sense.

Source: How to Choose a Chinese Name as a Foreigner: 4 Methods + 17 Real Examples — GoEast Mandarin

Matt, on Yoyo Chinese, lists the generic transliteration 马特, then the self-inflicted 小红帽 — Little Red Riding Hood — then the crush: 金才宇, which he rendered Golden Skill Universe after “a brief sojourn through an English to Chinese dictionary.” Introductions produced “the odd giggle of embarrassment.” The shame sat with the people who had to say it. He later took 任桐慕, curated by a native speaker. That last one is a name. The first three are a fairy tale, a workbook row, and a dictionary slogan.

Source: How NOT to Choose a Chinese Name — Yoyo Chinese

On Sinosplice in 2020, Goldkorn comments that his first Chinese name was 郭洁明 — a native-like string that sounded a little like his English name — until a Beijing friend mocked it as very 俗 and very 土 and suggested 金玉米. John Pasden flags it as a special case: 金 is a real surname; 玉米 is corn, nickname territory. English Wikipedia lists 金玉米 as the Chinese name. Public editor, public joke. Gold + corn is still a caption with a 百家姓 taped on.

Source: How to Choose a Chinese Name: 4 Approaches — Sinosplice (John Pasden, 6 May 2020; Goldkorn comment 7 May)

Source: Jeremy Goldkorn — English Wikipedia

Same 2010 China Daily Hot Pot: Evan's “standardized translation” was Ai Wen, glossed Love Language — 爱文, love + writing. He swapped to another same-sound pair meaning Dust Language. Quoted reason: “Love is stupid, dude.” Then the real one: Love Language is too cliché for an English teacher. The article never prints the Dust graphs. We will not mint them. Homophone shopping is still not naming.

Source: Foreigners now start to drop names — China Daily (Erik Nilsson, 9 Jun 2010)

China Daily, 2011: a colleague offered Ai Li (艾丽) — 丽 “beautiful,” 艾 sold as unusual and once a nobleman's name. A teacher then added 谷 for “valley,” mapping Buchdahl, “valley of the beech trees.” Business cards went out: 谷艾丽. Only afterward did she look 艾 up. Mugwort. Also listed as Old Uncle Henry, Sailor's Tobacco, and Naughty Man. Pretty-girl 丽 plus a weed. The teacher office did not open the dictionary last.

Source: What's in a name? Just about everything — China Daily (Ellie Buchdahl, 12 Oct 2011)

Same 2013 Quartly column: a fellow named Mark “has plumped for Ma Saike, or mosaic,” which sounds innocent until you know masaike commonly refers to the pixilation of private parts in porn films. 马赛克 is the mosaic. The slang is the joke. We are roasting the dictionary, not Mark.

Source: Be my guest and call yourself something stupid — China Daily (Jules Quartly, 4 Jun 2013)

Same column, no name attached: “one student of Chinese thought he was really clever when he chose the auspicious characters bi (a common surname) yun (cloud) and tao (big wave). Unfortunately, this sounds like condom when put together.” That sound is 避孕套. The article does not print the student's graphs or give him a face. We will not invent either. Three lucky syllables, one pharmacy aisle.

Source: Be my guest and call yourself something stupid — China Daily (Jules Quartly, 4 Jun 2013)

Chinese Wikipedia records the mainland phonetic as 罗莎曼德·派克 (Taiwan: 羅莎蒙·派克) and the name she actually uses: 裴淳华. In 2015 she said third parties using the old English-to-Chinese spelling without permission felt like disrespect to Chinese audiences. 裴 is a real surname. The 间隔号 string is a filing convention. Public figure, public pattern — not a joke about a private citizen.

Source: 裴淳华 — Chinese Wikipedia

In a 2020 Sinosplice interview, Dashan says he “completely stopped using the name I had been given in Chinese class at university.” The interview does not print that classroom string. What stuck is 大山 — a stage name like Sting, no surname, plus the old joke 侃大山. For paperwork, offices still reach for 马克·罗斯维尔, the dotted transliteration. Character name on the original skit: 许大山. Three layers. The Xinhua one is the one that looks like a visa form.

Source: Dashan Explains His Chinese Name — Sinosplice (John Pasden, 13 May 2020)

UPI, February 1987: Hong Kong's incoming governor changed his Chinese name after warnings that Wei De-wei carried “two ghosts knocking at the door” and other unlucky puns. Chinese Wikipedia gives the graphs: 魏德巍, later 卫奕信 (衛奕信). The old 魏 and 巍 both contain 鬼. That is not a personality reading. It is what happens when transcription characters were chosen for sound and a couplet, and the public read the radicals.

Source: Hong Kong governor changes his Chinese name — UPI (12 Feb 1987)

Source: 衛奕信 — Chinese Wikipedia

Wikipedia: the Chinese name is a sound-map of Kevin Rudd, but ordered as Chinese — 陆 first. 克文 uses graphs that appear in actual given names. Not 凯文.

Source: 陆克文 — Chinese Wikipedia

Wikipedia: the Chinese name 费正清 was given by Liang Sicheng (梁思成), as was his wife's. 费 is a surname. 正清 is a literary given name. Not 约翰.

Source: 費正清 — Chinese Wikipedia

思苒 is what Sarah took instead of 莎拉, per GoEast. 潘吉 is what John Pasden took instead of 约翰, per Sinosplice. Neither is a generator output. Both start from a real surname or a plausible given-name pair. That is the whole lesson.

Source: How to Choose a Chinese Name as a Foreigner: 4 Methods + 17 Real Examples — GoEast Mandarin

Source: 我的中文名字 — Sinosplice